Am I a Good Mom? (a quiet question to motherhood with a powerful answer)

Every mother has faced multiple situations where she questioned her parenting skills. The questions that stay unspoken create louder echoes than when people actually speak them. “Am I a good mom?” I never ask this question to my friends nor do I post it on social media. The question often appears to me during quiet nights when the house is still and I am in bed thinking about my poor parenting choices.

Mother smiles with closed eyes while hugged and kissed by two children. One child wears pink, the other stripes. Emotional and warm scene.

I remember the instances when I lost my temper. The missed cues. The rushed mornings. The lunchboxes packed with guilt instead of creativity. When someone asks me to see something I respond with "in a minute" but I never appear because something else always becomes more important. And then, I wonder… does love outweigh imperfection? The thing I considered important turned out to be less significant than I thought. Could it have waited a few moments?

The Myth of the Perfect Mom

Social media platforms along with motherhood books and classroom bulletin boards present a fabricated image of the "good mom" who makes themed snacks and attends all recitals and remembers picture day and never loses her temper.

But here’s the truth: she doesn’t exist.  At least not in the way we imagine.

If she does, I would love to meet her and learn her secrets.

Real motherhood is messy. It’s showing up when you’re bone-tired. It’s saying “I’m sorry” when your patience runs out. It’s packing the same lunch three days in a row because life happened. And it’s loving your child so fiercely that you’d rewrite the stars for them if you could.

The key to being a good mother lies in continuous effort rather than perfect execution. Children do not require parents who are flawless in their actions. Children require parents who remain present even when they make mistakes. Your children learn about trust through your actions when you apologize after losing your temper and attend their dance recitals or soccer games despite exhaustion and control your urge to yell. The act of trying does not require perfect execution at all times. You demonstrate your commitment to their importance through your dedicated work.

Children joyfully run through a grassy field, wearing colorful shirts. Trees and a cloudy sky form the backdrop, conveying a sense of freedom.

A mother who makes an effort even when she feels uncertain teaches her child valuable resilience skills. She demonstrates to her children that failure is acceptable because it allows us to adjust our path and continue our journey. The lesson she teaches goes beyond any cleaning schedule or organized play area.

A child who witnesses their parent fight through difficulties understands that personal development remains achievable and meaningful. To try is to love. It’s waking up in the middle of the night to soothe a nightmare. It’s preparing peanut butter sandwiches while writing notes for the lunchboxes. The parent's presence at school meetings combined with their doctor's office questions and their 2 a.m. search for anxiety help on Google demonstrates their dedication.

Love isn’t polished — it’s persistent. And persistent love is what makes a good mom.

The Invisible Good Mom

We often fail to recognize the numerous positive actions we perform. Such as, the bedtime hug that softened a rough day. The pep talk given in the car before school. The moments we chose understanding over control.

Your child will not recall every chore chart or Pinterest-worthy lunch. But they’ll remember how it felt to be loved by you.

Children tend to forget the specifics of their daily activities. The child will not remember whether their sandwich was cut into stars or if the playroom was organized by color-coded bins. But they will remember the feeling of safety when you tucked them in after a hard day, the comfort of your voice singing off-key in the car, and the warmth of your hand squeezing theirs when they were nervous.

Love is sensory. Your hugs and their room entry smile and your listening during their wordless moments all become stored memories.

Memory is selective. A child’s brain is wired to retain emotionally charged moments — and the ones charged with love often rise to the top. The time you sat beside them without rushing when they were afraid. The moment you defended them in front of others. The quiet way you showed up every time they needed someone.

The act of folding ten loads of laundry and preparing meals like a professional does not receive any recognition and your child will likely never express gratitude for the balanced meal. Your child will remember your presence more than any Pinterest achievement.

Parenting requires more presence than it does dazzling displays. The most powerful motherhood actions often exist outside of visibility because they include worrying and spending sleepless nights while putting your needs second to your children.

So what makes a good mom?

A good mother demonstrates her love by making her child feel understood. Making them feel heard. Making them feel accepted, even on the messiest days. The truth is that they may not always express their feelings. But they feel it. In your tone. In your forgiveness. In your stubborn belief in them, even when they don’t believe in themselves. 

So… am I a good mom?

A smiling woman and child hug on a couch, holding a handmade card with a heart. Light curtains create a warm, cozy atmosphere.

The true indicator of good motherhood exists beyond flawless behavior because it stems from being present. Showing up in the imperfect yet lovely reality of life constitutes the true measure. Every day. Even when it’s hard.

The fact that you are asking this question indicates you have already demonstrated the qualities of a good mother.

Make sure to check out my children's books on Amazon (More Than A Trophy and The Sock That Wouldn't Give Up!)