Free Your Mind: Letting Go of Negative Thoughts and Embracing Peace

Are you tired of feeling like you are stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts and emotions? It is all too easy to become mired in doubt, worry, or regret, so that they overwhelm the present and steal our serenity. But the good news is that we can break free from these mental chains, and the power to do so is ours. Letting go of negativity does not mean living in denial; it’s simply a choice to live a healthier and more peaceful life, no matter the challenges that come your way.

Depressing thoughts are as stifling as an anchor tied to our backs, stopping us from progressing. They are usually triggered by past experiences, fear of the future, or beliefs one has about themselves. This is the first step to changing the pattern: to recognize these patterns. Whenever you find yourself trapped in a loop of negative thinking, take a moment and ask yourself: “Is this thought helpful for me or is it harmful?” Knowing this is crucial for making a change.

Recognizing the Weight of Negativity

Can you tell when you’re having a negative thought? At times, we are right in the middle of it, and we don’t even realize it. I don’t always catch myself being negative. There are times when I have no clue what sets it off—or even if I do, I can’t figure out why it matters.

At least one thing is clear: when my mind starts to develop negative thoughts, they can drive me crazy and give me a headache. I always feel that if someone is angry with me, I get trapped in a whirlwind of thoughts.

When texting a friend, and you get a reply that is just “K”, to me that “K” is accusing that something is wrong! All of a sudden, I’m on a mental mission, reliving every single interaction we’ve ever had, from the time their name simply came up in conversation. I begin to analyze every word, every action.

Woman with eyes closed and hands on temples

And if I can’t pinpoint why their "OK" feels off, I’m bursting to ask, “Are you mad at me?” But then another thought rushes in—will they think I’m being childish or immature for asking? And that’s when my mind really starts spinning!

Several years ago, when I realized that my mindset was not helping me in any way, I immediately sought therapy. I clearly recall sitting in my therapist’s office and explaining that the main reason I needed her help was that I believed the director of my daughter’s dance studio was angry with me.

When she asked what made me think that, I told her that, on a day when I was not in the right frame of mind, I had shared a competition picture that someone else had taken and sent to me. As it turned out, taking pictures during the performance was not allowed, but the person who sent it to me was unaware of that. Since I hadn’t taken the picture myself, I didn’t think it would be a problem to post it on social media.

Later, when an email was sent to parents reminding them not to post pictures they had taken during the event, I immediately assumed it was directed at me—unaware that others had done the same. I became convinced that my daughter would be expelled from the studio and that everyone would be angry with me.

Then my therapist asked, “Did the director herself come to you and say, ‘Michelle, I’m angry with you’?” The answer was no, but I was sure she was. I was so afraid to show my face at the studio that I thought even an apology wouldn’t be accepted.

Challenging My Anxious Thoughts: A New Perspective

I have had habits of overreacting, overthinking, and let my thoughts spiral out of control. But when the dust settles—or when I finally muster the courage to ask whether I have done something to offend someone—it almost always turns out that they have no idea what I’m talking about. They usually respond with something like, “Uh… no, everything is fine.”

Then I end up knocking myself in the head for having wasted so much time and energy worrying about it.

The therapist asked me if I had ever thought about the type of mood I was in when I received these emails and text messages. I never have. She said that sometimes if I'm already in an uncomfortable mood I can misinterpret things. She suggested to try reading or rereading the messages when my mood and mindset are in a more relaxed and positive state. She also said to think of the answer to these three questions to help me calm myself down:

• What actual evidence do I have that they are upset with me?

  • Am I assuming based on tone, body language, or a short message?

  • Have they directly told me they are upset, or am I making assumptions?

• Is there another possible explanation for their behavior?

  • Could they be busy, tired, distracted, or dealing with something unrelated to me?

  • Am I personalizing a situation that might have nothing to do with me?

• If they are upset, what’s the worst that can happen?

  • Would this actually damage our relationship, or is it something we can talk through?

  • Am I catastrophizing, or is this something I can handle calmly and maturely?

Reframing Your Thoughts

Once I notice those negative thinking patterns, I tell myself that I will counterattack them! It all starts with self-awareness, which means paying attention to the thoughts we have in our mind and the stories we tell ourselves.

For instance, when I tell myself things like, I am an failure, I try to change the thought to something more positive, such as, I am growing in this process. Or, if I tell myself, This person is angry at me. They haven’t replied to my text, I would change my thought to, she is probably occupied with taking her son to basketball and the other to baseball. This way of thinking always lifts my mood. I understand that they may have received the text but are simply unable to reply due to being busy at that particular moment of time.

I also actively recall those instances where I have received a text or a voicemail and thought, I need to reply to this, but then the world pulled me in another direction and I simply forgot. It doesn’t mean I was angry with the person, so why would I assume that others would be angry with me?

This powerful shift in perspective has helped me recognize the positive adjustments I can make in my life. Not only is this change of view not a simple exercise of the mind – it is a way of developing a more gracious, enabling and strong minded approach.

In the case of self-kindness, I believe this is one of the best ways of preventing the negative thoughts that tend to come with self criticism. This new way of thinking helps me to challenge dilemmas with curiosity and openness, feeling no fear and anxiety. Most importantly, it is not just about the control of negative thoughts– it helps me to focus on the positive change in my life, not trying to be perfect to the grind. Reframing my thoughts allows me to see situations more clearly, but I also have to accept that not everything is mine to fix or figure out.

calm, relaxed mood

Releasing What You Can’t Control

When I tell myself that every experience is a growth experience, then I would be likely to attempt it, even if it means getting out of my comfort zone, and try something new. This new resilience not only enhances my ability to cope with failure but also improves my perception of negative events in my life. Thus, the process of challenging and transforming the negative thoughts is a great technique that enables me to manage my mindset. It is a process of learning where every experience, whether they get it as positive or negative, is considered as a way of moving forward to know themselves and become better people. Therefore, I am not only helping myself to feel good and to be happy but also looking at the world with optimism and an active mindset.

A Personal Reflection: Controlling Negative Thoughts

Depressing thoughts are persistent, they can appear at the most inopportune time during periods of doubt or stress or when in a state of confusion. I have realized that the only way to overcome them is not by suppressing them but by learning how to deal with them without being affected by them and letting them hold me back. I have observed that negative thoughts tend to appear in the form of fear, or when one is comparing themselves with others, or when one has failed in the past. At times, they tell me I am not doing enough, that I should have done more, or that I am incapable. In those moments, I’ve learned to stop and question those thoughts rather than believing them.

One approach that helps me is reframing—instead of saying, “I’m not good enough,” I ask, “What evidence do I have that proves my thoughts are accurate?” More often than not, I can recall times when I succeeded despite my doubts. As well as, what I was thinking was completely wrong. I also remind myself that growth is not linear, and setbacks don’t define my worth or potential. I try not to let my mind take control of the truth.

I am confident to switch my focus to gratitude as a key strategy. When negativity comes, I stop and think about my successes, what I am thankful for, and the difficulties I have overcome before. Gratitude is a perfect way to change my mindset from scarcity to abundance.

Lastly, I forgive myself. I know negative thoughts will happen, but they don’t have to become actions or feelings. I allow myself to have feelings, think things over, and then move my attention towards the positive and be kind to myself. I understand that eliminating negative thoughts is a process, not a one-time job. But with awareness, intention, and practice, I’m learning to switch self doubt for self belief, fear for faith, and hope for negativity.